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Bill Me, Baby

Radley Balko | September 5, 2008, 2:53pm

Whoops...

People calling a federal phone number to order duck stamps are instead greeted by a phone-sex line, due to a printing error the government says would be too expensive to correct. The carrier card for the duck stamp transposes two numbers, so instead of listing 1-800-782-6724, it lists 1-800-872-6724. The first number spells out 1-800-STAMP24, while the second number spells out 1-800-TRAMP24.
People calling that second number are welcomed by "Intimate Connections" and enticed by a husky female voice to "talk only to the girls that turn you on," for $1.99 a minute.
I'm sure the collective wit of H&R commenters can produce a better pun than the one in my headline.
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Comments to "Bill Me, Baby":

robc | September 5, 2008, 2:57pm | #

Duck Stamps, UCF football phone conferences...is any number not almost a phone sex number?

angry d | September 5, 2008, 2:58pm | #

I can't come up with the best pun, but I bet it involves licking.

B | September 5, 2008, 2:58pm | #

"I said DUCK!"

sage | September 5, 2008, 2:59pm | #

Quack, quack, now get on your knees and smile like a donut.

Episiarch | September 5, 2008, 3:03pm | #

Well, when you do her from behind you can look at her TRAMP STAMP...

Naga Sadow | September 5, 2008, 3:11pm | #

I can't take part in this thread for fear I will end up quoting a Spike Lee movie.

angry d | September 5, 2008, 3:14pm | #

How about "Now I am self-adhesive"

Pinette | September 5, 2008, 3:24pm | #

They have a different number set up for every different kind of stamp? Duck stamp is very specific.

Invisible Finger | September 5, 2008, 3:38pm | #

1-800-HOT-DUCK is the same number with an 'F'.

The Expatriate | September 5, 2008, 3:39pm | #

This isn't a mistake at all. Haven't you heard about the new line of adults only stamps that will be coming out. It's being pushed by Larry Craig and former Sen. Packwood.

JLM | September 5, 2008, 3:40pm | #

You need a federal duck stamp along with your hunting licence to hunt ducks, and it costs a lot more than your typical stamp ($15 I think). That is why it has a specific phone number.

Ravac | September 5, 2008, 3:41pm | #

Well duck me....

Invisible Finger | September 5, 2008, 3:43pm | #

"Sorry, this is only phone sex. If you want to get ass fucked, you'll have to call the government."

Chevy Chase | September 5, 2008, 3:44pm | #

It's a 42-cent stamp, but if you want to lick it, it's a dollar.

loli | September 5, 2008, 3:46pm | #

They have a different number set up for every different kind of stamp? Duck stamp is very specific.

From the article:
Duck stamps, which cost $15 a piece, are required to hunt migratory waterfowl. The government uses nearly all the revenue to purchase waterfowl habitat for the National Wildlife Refuge System. In 2006-2007, the latest figures available, duck stamp purchases brought in nearly $22 million.

Alan Vanneman | September 5, 2008, 3:52pm | #

They don't tell you this, but for $30 you can get a duck that talks dirty to you. I'm sorry, but this federal government ROCKS MY WORLD!

Lamar | September 5, 2008, 3:56pm | #

Pun contest:

"Put it on my bill. Now move it around."

Libertarian | September 5, 2008, 4:26pm | #

Lamar wins!

ed | September 5, 2008, 4:38pm | #

Aflaaaac!

Nigel Watt | September 5, 2008, 4:46pm | #

"Sorry, this is only phone sex. If you want to get ass fucked, you'll have to call the government."
A winner is you!

Pinette | September 5, 2008, 5:28pm | #

Aha, I don't hunt and I had no idea what a duck stamp was. I actually thought we were talking about postage stamps with ducks on them.

Kant feel Pietzsche, my Balzac is Ietzsche | September 5, 2008, 6:14pm | #

C'mon, I like to see ya shake yer tail-feathers

Mad Max | September 5, 2008, 6:25pm | #

Bird porn!

The Wine Commonsewer | September 5, 2008, 6:56pm | #

"Sorry, this is only phone sex. If you want to get ass fucked, you'll have to call the government."

Thread winner.

The post was funny enough, but that put me on the floor.

Course, I'm easily amused.

P Brooks | September 5, 2008, 10:29pm | #

"This is who? Oh, fuck a duck!"

Stevo Darkly | September 5, 2008, 11:35pm | #

"If a woman ansers, hang up!"

"Eider hands are the devil's workshop!"

"Gov't typo swan-dives into ugly fuck-line."

"A twisted tale of grebe."

John P. Dolan | September 6, 2008, 5:03pm | #

a bird in the hand is worth two in the BUSH